What do people say at a funeral?
by Vicki Barlow
• Published 15/02/2024
Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences any of us will face in life. In moments of grief, finding the right words to express our feelings can be daunting. Whether you're attending, or speaking at, a funeral or offering condolences to someone who has lost a loved one, knowing what to say can be a source of anxiety. In this blog, we'll explore some common phrases and sentiments people express at funerals, aiming to provide comfort and guidance during this difficult time.
At a funeral, it's essential to express your sympathy and condolences to the bereaved family and friends. Simple phrases like "I'm so sorry for your loss" or "My deepest condolences to you and your family" convey heartfelt sympathy without the need for elaborate words. You want to convey support for the bereaved, so you could let them know they're in your thoughts, let them know you're there for them if they need to talk or ask if there are any practical jobs you could do for them to lessen their load.
Funerals often serve as a celebration of life. Sharing fond memories or anecdotes can provide comfort and solace to those mourning. Reflecting on the positive impact the person had on your life or sharing a funny story can help lighten the atmosphere and honour their memory.
Whilst you can never fully understand an individual's grief, it is important to acknowledge the pain they are in. Phrases like "I can't imagine what you're going through" or "This must be incredibly difficult for you" validate their emotions and demonstrate empathy and understanding.
Sometimes, the most powerful support we can offer is a listening ear. Encouraging the grieving to share their feelings and memories can provide catharsis and emotional release. Simply saying, "I'm here to listen whenever you need to talk" can make a significant difference.
Listen with compassion
1 | Try not to interrupt
2 | Do not be judgemental
3 | Listen carefully
4 | Use open body language to show active listening
5 | Don't try to fill a silence - let the conversation flow on their terms
6 | Be reassuring
7 | Don't over-promise, particularly over things you cannot control
8 | If appropriate, a hand on a shoulder, on their hand or even a hug can be incredibly powerful
9 | Follow up the conversation, and let them know you are always there for them to talk to.
Everyone processes grief differently, and it's essential to respect each person's unique experience. Avoid clichés or comparisons to others' losses, as these can minimise the individual's pain. Instead, focus on offering genuine empathy and support, as above.
Express gratitude for the life of the deceased and the impact they had on your life. Phrases like "We're grateful for the time we had with them" or "Their memory will live on in our hearts forever" honour their legacy. You may also wish to thank close relatives for sharing their lives with the deceased with you, and for allowing you to attend the funeral and pay your respects.
A eulogy is a heartfelt tribute delivered at a funeral or memorial service that honours the life of a loved one.
It offers an opportunity to reflect on their achievements, cherished memories, and the impact they had on those around them. Writing a eulogy can feel like a daunting task, but it's an opportunity to celebrate the life and legacy of your loved one.
Begin by reflecting on your fondest memories with the deceased and consider the qualities that made them special. Structure your eulogy by introducing yourself, sharing anecdotes or stories that highlight their character and contributions, and concluding with words of farewell and gratitude. It's okay to feel emotional while writing and delivering a eulogy; authenticity and sincerity are key. Remember to keep the tone respectful and reflective of the deceased's personality.
Ultimately, a eulogy is a meaningful way to honour and remember your loved one while offering comfort and closure to those in mourning.
You can read more about eulogies, poems and funeral readings in our blog:
'Eulogies, Poems and Funeral Readings'Knowing what to say at a funeral can be challenging, but expressing genuine sympathy, sharing memories, offering support, and acknowledging the pain can provide comfort and solace to those mourning. There is no rule book for grief, as there are no rules on how to comfort the bereaved. By speaking from the heart and showing empathy and compassion, you can't go far wrong.
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