How to write a letter of condolence

It can be difficult to find the words to express your condolences to someone who has lost a loved one. A letter of condolence should express your sympathy, and let the bereaved know they’re in your thoughts. Though a simple gesture, it can be a wonderful source of comfort to someone who has lost a loved one.

Here are some things to think about that may help you:

Hand writing a letter of condolence gives a more personal touch, as well as giving the bereaved something physical that they can save and go back to later if they want to. A handwritten letter is more meaningful than an email or text, and you could even put the letter inside a sympathy card.

Many people skirt around the issue at hand, but it’s important to acknowledge the loss and express your sympathy. In your letter try to refer to the deceased by name, and say how sorry you are to hear of their loss. Even the classic “I’m sorry for your loss” is a classic for a reason.

If you have a memory involving the person who has passed away, share this in your condolence message. This may make the bereaved happy and allow them to reminisce, rather than dwell on their loss. If you didn’t know the deceased personally, you could share any stories you may have heard involving them, or mention any special qualities they may have had. If you really didn’t know the deceased very well and can’t think of anything to share, simply say you knew how important they were to the bereaved, and that they will be missed.

Your condolence message could include an offer of support, if you are willing and able. Grief is a difficult thing to go through, and can make even the simplest tasks seem insurmountable. Offering your help for things such as shopping and cooking can make a huge difference to a grieving person. It’s important not to make any promises you won’t follow through with, though; only offer help you will realistically be able to provide.

Your letter of condolence doesn’t need to contain poems or quotes; it’s more personal if you simply write in your own voice, expressing what you feel in your own words. The important thing is that the bereaved knows that you’re thinking of them, and are there if they need you.

It helps to think about what you’d want someone to say to you if you were grieving - try to put yourself in their shoes. Also remember to follow up; bereaved people tend to receive an outpouring of support soon after their loss, but then as time passes this lessens. After sending your condolence letter, follow up with any offers of help you made, and also check in regularly with the bereaved.

Thank you for reading.

You may also be interested in one of the following articles:
Ten Gift Ideas for a Grieving Friend
How to Talk to a Grieving Friend