Funeral Directors are human too
by Inez Capps
• Published 16/02/2023
My day starts at 4am when the phone rings. I wake automatically, look at the phone 'Unknown Number'. I go into work mode, lamp goes on, my pen and pad ready to go. Not knowing who is on the other end of the line, I take a deep breathe, calm my voice, and answer:
“Funeral Services, my name is Inez, how can I be of assistance to you?”
Fifteen minutes later I am getting ready to go on a call out. I send a message to my colleague to say I need their assistance and we meet at the Funeral Directors to collect the vehicle. Two hours later I am home, deciding not to go back to bed before work, I pour myself a large coffee and make some toast.
Whilst I sit there, I contemplate...
How fragile life is.
Here I am drinking my first coffee of the day, about to get sorted to head into work, and the family I have just left are having the worst day of theirs. I came into their lives only an hour or so ago and yet they trust me to care for not only their loved one but them too. I’ve been trusted to care for someone so loved and valued. Many people have never had to organise/plan a funeral before, so they look to the funeral director to help them when they feel so low and vulnerable. I reassure them, I talk to them about the next steps. I become their guidance; I am now a part of their journey.
Kinton & Daughter Family Funeral Directors
Over the weeks ahead I get to know the person who is in my care: all their achievements, their children, their passions and zest for life.
The family start to become friends, seeing them every day at the funeral home becomes the new normal for our office routine. I connect with them. They want to be here so they feel closer to their family member and in my mind quite rightly so.
He isn’t mine he is theirs, I just get to look after him for a few weeks.
The funeral has been planned and the team arrives to help support the family and me. I am the conductor on the day of the funeral. Each of the team know what I require of them, I have my faith in them and as I stand before the family with my top hat and tails. My button hole in ,matching the colour of my tie and hair bow.
I know the family need me; my support, my hand, as they walk into the chapel to the song they so carefully chose. I look back at them, their tears flowing. My heart aches for them, the rollercoaster of grief is coming to its peak. I take it in as I look at my bearers as they carry the gentleman on their shoulders, tears well in my eyes, I think: this is a sad day.
To think only weeks ago I never knew the person in my care or this family having never crossed paths before. Now they look to me as their guide, but mainly to do my job.
The funeral has finished, I stand at the wake taking in the atmosphere, people talking so fondly of the man they knew, laughter fills the air; a toast to the gentleman that loved a pint, tears still flow but now with a small smile remaining on their faces remembering a man that shaped and changed lives, a man who left an imprint on so many lives.
A funeral is a lifetime in one day
It’s time for me to go now, I stand before them again and after weeks of us sharing memories and coffees and many hugs, I thank them for choosing me and letting me into their lives, but most of all I thank them for trusting me.
I’m sat with perhaps a large wine it’s the end of a working day, I sit and contemplate…
A life well lived is a precious gift, so much love, hope and grace. Someone has left this earth today, but their life leaves a bright and shining place in the hearts of many and which ever faith you have or thoughts about death and the paths in which we may or may not take after, they are all valid and are all meaningful. Whether that life was too short or they lived passed 102, their lives were precious and always worth remembering.
So, here’s a toast to you sir, the man I just met.
I’m thankful for the time we shared, a true gent I laid to rest.
Inez with her father Nigel
When a family walks through your office door and asks for your help, when weeks pass by and people come in and out of your care, the job requires of you to do so many things; organise flowers and order of service, you speak to vicars and crematoriums but there comes a stage where it isn’t just a job.
Funeral Directors care and no matter how much time we spend with you or how simple the funeral may be, you touch our hearts in so many ways.
So the next time you see a funeral director ask them how they are, they carry the weight of so many worlds.
We become knowledgeable from people’s memories and lives, we understand how fragile life can be and we have feelings just like you and like you we have experienced loss.
Covering all aspects of bespoke funeral services and planning, Kinton & Daughter Funeral Services Ltd is a funeral directors’ business based in Nottingham, Nottinghamshire.
Our business was set up by Inez, Father Nigel, and Mother Darlene in 2013 and has grown ever since.
Backed by more than 25 years of experience in the industry, we are not your typical funeral directors and we strive to offer outstanding services during a time that’s always difficult for families. What’s more, we are proud members of the SAIF (Society of Allied Independent Funeral Directors).
Kinton & daughter are Online Partners of Funeral Notices, which means you can read all their important funeral announcements on their website.
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